We hate you because if we don’t move quickly enough for your liking, you push your items closer to us as if we don’t know that we’re supposed to ring them up and put them in a bag.

We hate you because when you complain loudly to the person on your cell phone of how “I’m in the slowest line! This is taking forever, I’m going to be late!” and look right at us when you say it, we will slow down to a crawl for you.

We hate you because you are convinced that everything is OUR decision when in reality, we are just following our store’s policy and trying to keep our job.

We hate you because you answer questions in ways that don’t actually help us. “Is this credit or debit?” “Debit” “Okay, put your PIN in for me.” “But I don’t have a PIN number, it’s a credit card.”

We hate you because you argue over a £4 difference in a charity shop.

We hate you because you come asking for a refund on an item that has clearly been used, without bringing the receipt, and then refuse to accept store credit saying you’ll only settle for a cash refund which we cannot do without the receipt.

We hate you because you can’t remember which card has money on it or which pin goes with that card

We hate you because you forget your money in the car/at home/Narnia and then yell at us because we have to either suspend or abort the transaction so we can take another customer.

We hate you because you call us “stuck up” or “moody” when we don’t laugh at your joke. But the thing is, we’ve heard that joke 100 times already today, and it wasn’t even funny the first time.

We hate you because you expect us to change the store’s return policy to accommodate you, just because you didn’t bother to read what was printed clearly at the bottom of your receipt. Not our problem, beyotch. Just take the freakin’ store credit.